Gone but not Lost
by Fire Kitten
Summary: After two entire years, Usopp had been certain he had dealt with all that had been lost with the Going Merry's ill-fated departure. But he was about to discover that something very important was still missing after all. [SanUso; post-Punk Hazard]


**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece.

**Rating:** K+

**Summary:** After two entire years, Usopp had been certain he had dealt with all that had been lost with the Going Merry's ill-fated departure. But he was about to discover that something very important was still missing after all.

**Warnings:** Spoilers-Spoilers-Spoilersup to post-Punk Hazard arc, mostly tame language, and established Sanuso.

_Why yes, it is another Sanuso Saturday entry. Why no, I do not like this story at all – in fact, I'm going to just downright declare this as my worst work so far because I really hate it. Which is sad, because it was a real cute prompt I was given by the darling Sylias. I'm sorry I could not do it justice._

* * *

In the beginning, it seemed almost every day Usopp found another thing to miss Going Merry for.

Not that he didn't think the Thousand Sunny wasn't an incredible ship or anything like that. The additional space to move in made playing tag or hide and go seek with Luffy and Chopper about ten times more interesting. No longer having to sit outside in the snowy cold or boiling sun for watch and instead having a nice windowed room to look out from was also a welcome comfort. Additionally, the Aquarium bar was proving to double as both a second refrigerator and romantic atmosphere since Sanji was always looking for an excuse to pull him in there when it was empty.

And his _factory_… oh his factory. On his first day back, when Franky had pulled him below deck and pushed open the door, saying the entire thing was his, the sniper recalled being too caught for words to find all the proper ones necessary to express just how grateful he was. It wasn't because he suddenly had all this space to work on his screwy little inventions all he wanted without (much) interruption that got to him. It was the fact that the cyborg had planned _ahead_ to even build it – as if he already discerned Usopp would return without fail – that really hit his heart and made tears spring in his eyes.

So yes, the vessel was truly marvelous… but it was like a house not yet decorated and made into a home. Oh he loved it now, just like the one before, but at the time it still felt unusual and alien to him with walls not unwelcoming in any way, just not yet known.

Like when he came in the galley, not hearing the usual squeak as he stepped on the third board to the left, he would sometimes pause and press down his feet a little harder as if to force the noise out of the Adam Wood. Or when they needed to adjust the sails and instead of the salt-and-storm weathered ropes against his palms he instead had these virgin ones that he couldn't trust until they held their own against the vicious hurricane winds of a passing cyclone. And at night, even with the familiar rocking of the ocean waves and the sounds of his Nakama's snores, the strangeness was at its worst as he tossed about the bed that should have been exceptionally more inviting than his cot – but it _wasn't_.

He ended up sleeping in his workshop and, when Franky revealed it, the Mini Merry just to get any shut eye at all. And he kept that up until Zoro wandered in one night, doing nothing but irritably frowning and asking which way the observation deck was because he was late for his watch. Knowing what he was truly saying, Usopp mortifyingly led him back upstairs before meekly making his way to the boy's cabin under the first mate's watchful eye.

Even with his nakama, it was a hard adjustment getting used to the changes in what he'd come to expect of them.

Such as turning around to yell across the ship only to stop when he realized he couldn't tell if Luffy was sitting in his favorite seat anymore. Having to ask speed-reader Robin what book she was on now as she occupied places that hadn't been around previously and were entered less frequently. Going on quests in search of Zoro because he wasn't sure where his favorite napping spots were. No longer needing to argue with Nami over how long her bath time was when other people need to do their business seeing as the toilet and tub now were in separate rooms. With a now lit crow's nest, there were no more night awakenings by a nervous, scared-of-the-dark Chopper requesting to come keep watch with him.

And with Sanji… well, with him it seemed as if the cook was trying to fill where Brook and Franky were factored out by multiplying the issue.

There were the awkward things like finding places to get intimate and getting interrupted in the middle of foreplay or trying to stumble, blindly, into the blonde's bed at night only to discover he was cuddling up to Luffy. And there were the things he had to relearn, like watching the chef titter about in his element and no longer being able to predict quite how he'd move with the kitchen so different or being sent to fetch something from the pantry only to not know where anything was placed anymore.

Yet as time went on, Usopp found himself having less and less trouble with all the spikes of nostalgia and instead came to not only to familiarize himself with the new surroundings but to embrace them. By the time he returned to the brig sloop ship after two long years away, he felt relief spread through him identical to the last time he had stepped on Merry's deck when she came to save them in Enies Lobby.

That's when he had been certain the transition was over. Sunny was home; and while Merry would never be forgotten, he was sure he wouldn't have any more reminders to trouble him quite like they had before.

So…

How did he forget that being wrong was pretty much the story of his life?

* * *

It was just a little after the incident with Hody that, still docked on Fishman Island and the celebrations having faded and leaving them all in a peaceful and safe environment, they finally had a chance to clean up Sunny. Even though the ship had remained without even the tiniest scratch thanks to Duval and Kuma's efforts, that didn't mean practically every corner, nook and cranny didn't have a two-year layer of dust on it.

Franky, who had arrived several days before most of them, had not only had time to upgrade their ship and have Rayleigh coat it but also found the opportunity to clean it nearly top to bottom. But, possibly out of worry of breaking something or just out of respect to them, he had left their sanctuaries untouched. His factory, Chopper's infirmary, Nami's cartographer deck and supplies, Sanji's kitchen, and even Zoro's weights still had a cover of dust over them. And the library had only been half cleaned, the cyborg steering clear of the extremely old texts that they all knew Robin preferred they didn't touch because the delicate pages crumbled easily.

Because he and Nami had arrived early as well it had given them time to get their own areas back in order; but Chopper, Robin and Sanji had all arrived just as they needed to escape from Sabaody and they hadn't had a moment's pause since. With things finally having settled though, their archeologist mentioned about finally having a chance to give her library a good dusting, which reminded their doctor and cook about the sad states of their own quarters and quickly joining in on the idea. Robin and Chopper quickly denied any offered assistances, but Sanji…

"How did I get roped into this again?" Usopp grumbled softly from his position on the black-and-white checkered floor of the galley, scrubbing at the currently empty shelves with a wet rag that was steadily getting darker with dust stains.

"Hmm?" Sanji, who couldn't hear him over the rushing water, called. "You say something?"

He supposed his job was better than the other's. The blonde had opted to meticulously clean each and every piece of cutlery by hand. The drainer had long ago run out of room and he had to start setting the dishware on his now spotless countertops to dry and he still had a rather impressive pile of dirty dishes beside him. Nevertheless, they had been at this for hours and his hands felt uncomfortably raw and his spine had spent so much time stooped over that it was sending a wave of pure ache across his back, especially painful where the chains Hody's henchmen had tied him up with (and some rough handling) had left bruises.

So, he figured he had every right to complain as he tossed the washcloth to the back of the cabinet before promptly spiraling across the tile, whining loudly, "Saaaaan-jiiiii! I can't go on! I'm developing a terrible, incurable case of if-I-clean-anymore-I'll-die disease!" The chef glanced at him over his shoulder – the left now, which was admittedly still a bit weird – arching an eyebrow at him. Usopp put on his best 'Pity Me' pout as he added, "It's _very_ fatal."

"I thought you said you were done with your diseases?"

"_Sanjiiiiiiiiiii!_"

"Okay, okay! We'll take a break shithead." Usopp guessed he wasn't the only one infected with his very unusual and terrible ailment when Sanji flipped off the sink a little too eagerly, turning about and leaning back against the counter as he lit a cigarette.

After a few long, deep drags, he regarded Usopp curiously. "You gonna get off the floor?"

At the thought of moving, the marksman cringed. "No thanks. My back is currently wishing it was born a pinky toe."

The cook snorted some but otherwise didn't comment, smoking languidly and enjoying the rest in a rare silence. When he finished, he walked from the room and soon after Usopp heard the sound of a door opening and closing. Assuming the other had left either on a bathroom break or maybe just to get some fresh air, he let out a sigh and shut his eyes, only to open them again in surprise when the door opened again.

Sanji came around the corner, stopping in front of him and holding out a hand. "Come on. I got something for you."

Normally, he would have rather vocally argued the matter, but resigned to the fact Sanji would get his way even if he dragged him wherever by his nose no matter how he complained and honestly a little intrigued, he just clasped Sanji's hand in his, allowing the cook to haul him to his feet. They didn't go far thankfully; just about twenty feet to the couch where he was ordered to lay on his stomach. A little befuddled now, he did so. "What are you gonna do?"

"Sssh, you'll like it." The other soothed, pulling at his suspender straps until they slipped off his shoulders, moving them until they rested somewhere nearby his hips. The next thing to go was his hairband, his unruly, curly locks being pushed to the side. Then Sanji reached for something out of sight and Usopp only caught a brief glimpse of a brown bottle that he instantly recognized as one of Chopper's medicinal concoctions.

It wasn't until the bottle was open and the powerful, minty scent of menthol filled the air that he understood. "Oh." He breathed. "Have I told you I loved you today?"

There was a chuckle and a moment later oiled hands rested on his back, starting just under his neck with thumbs rubbing slow, firm circles into his skin. When he got to his lower back though, he pressed more gingerly, mindful of the bruises. The whole process was very relaxing, Usopp pillowing his head on his arms and just humming contently here and there when Sanji found a particularly bad knot. And when he was done and got up to go and wash his hands, the muscle relaxant was already starting to work, waves of warmth dancing on his skin and penetrating the sore muscles.

"Any better?" The cook asked once he returned, settling on the floor and dropping a kiss on the tip of the sniper's nose.

He sighed happily. "I'm cured! It's a miracle!"

There was another soft laugh, Sanji lighting another cigarette as he got comfortable against the back of the couch, stretching his long legs out on the wooden floor and crossing them at the ankles. He tilted his head back, blowing out a smoke ring. After it dispersed, he said from nowhere, "You don't spend as much time in the kitchen anymore."

"Uh…" Taken aback, Usopp wasn't sure what to say at first and the back of Sanji's head didn't give him much of a cue what the other was thinking. "If you didn't notice from the sea king sized dust bunnies Sanji, no one's spent much time in the kitchen lately – not even you."

"I mean before idiot."

The sniper frowned, his cheek getting crushed against his wrist as he turned his head. "You mean… on Merry?"

The cook shrugged his shoulders noncommittally, as if it didn't really matter. "You used to whine for back rubs all the time remember? Dunno why I ever gave in; it was always your own shitty fault you hurt because you'd spend too much time bending over those little inventions of yours."

"Like you were any better!" Usopp quickly shot back. "You would fall all over me after making a big feast and just bitch away!"

"Do you know how hard it is to make a meal for nine people? Hell, do you know how hard it is to make a meal for _Luffy?_" The man waved his hand, smoke zigzagging over his head.

"Well I – wait, what does this have to do with anything?" He asked.

"Nothing really." Sanji said, raising his cigarette to his lips only to pause and get to his feet, mumbling, "Need an ashtray."

When he returned they started talking about some of the stores they still needed to visit and Usopp didn't think anything of it.

* * *

That night, he dreamt of Merry.

After the conversation they had, it probably wasn't all that shocking. It certainly wasn't to be sitting on the little platform that was his old factory, replacing the rubber band to his oldest slingshot, or to have Sanji in the kitchen cooking what he knew was seafood pasta even if he couldn't see. And as dreams went most of it didn't make sense.

"Did Nami-san pay you this time?" Sanji asked.

It wasn't weird at all to look down and see he now had a piece of the Clima-tact in his hand. He started picking up shards of seashell from the floor that he instinctively understood were pieces of a flame dial, pushing them down the tube of the weapon as if that was how he had actually constructed it in the first place, saying, "She said she'd listen to my stories if I fixed it."

Unlike the real life Sanji, this one only sighed in response, before coming over with a spoon in hand saying, "Try this."

Obediently, Usopp swallowed down what looked like marinara sauce, giving a hum. "It's a little too salty."

"So I need sugar." The cook mumbled, crossing the floor.

"Franky's cola would work." He suggested, not even seeming to realize how inaccurate that was on about a dozen levels.

The blonde shook his head. "He's not here remember? He's on that Sakura Snow Island."

Later, even though he knew Sanji meant Drum Island, he was pretty sure it was also a reference to the winter island Franky had actually ended up on during their separation. Unperturbed, his dream self just took it in stride. "Oh right."

"Are you sure it isn't right?" The cook asked, adding in strawberry jelly and some of Chopper's cotton candy, turning the sauce from red to white.

Usopp dropped the Clima-Tact. "You're not going to let me get any work done are you?"

"Well… I just…"

And in a show of omnipotence dream-selves always seemed to have, he just replied, "I know, so get over here."

And that was about the time the dream changed because Brook and Robin suddenly came into the room to tell them about an emergency and everything else just became mostly a blur as dreams tended to; although, Usopp was pretty sure he recalled getting willing swallowed by a Sea King with Luffy because Zoro was lost inside somehow and they had to find him.

For all the little sense the entire thing had made, when he awoke that morning he realized what Sanji had really been trying to tell him.

* * *

The first chance came further than expected (yet considering who their captain was, of course he'd string them along on some crazy adventure right away).

Yet he didn't let that deter his confidence as he crossed the lawn deck, hearing Luffy jabbering to Law somewhere towards the front of the ship. There was also the sound of Brook's guitar coming from the rear and, if he listened really close, could detect even the metallic ring of Zoro's weights as he lifted them high above the ship. Nami and Robin were sitting around the tree, discussing a book that he hoped had information on their next worrisome destination. Chopper was marching back and forth like a soldier in front of Ceasar, looking everywhere for danger with a serious frown and even giving him a cute little salute as he passed. That left only Franky unaccounted for, but Usopp already knew he was down below in his workshop.

Everyone was too damn calm for them to have just challenged a now ex-Shichibukai (adding to the petrifyingly growing list of Yonkos they apparently wanted to take down), but rather than thinking more on that depressing and bleak looking future, he just headed up the steps to the galley where Sanji was surely making lunch. The items inside the heavy sack he had over his shoulder banged and clanged together as he walked, making his entrance rather noticeable.

"Hey Sanj'?" He said as he paused inside, the scent of baking fish strong in the air.

"Yeah?" The cook asked, giving him a quick glance as he diced up a few stalks of celery with movements too fast for even the sniper to keep up with. "The hell is all that?"

"A project. Franky's doing something loud down below so I can't concentrate in my factory and the lawn deck is kind of crowded… can I work in here?" He wasn't sure but he thought perhaps Sanji's cutting faltered for just a second.

"I don't care what you do shithead. Just make sure to pull off the tablecloth. Nami-san bought it you know; if you get even _one _oil stain on it…"

He shook his head as he dropped the sack, pulling off the red and white checkered cloth. "Yeah, yeah I get it."

It didn't take long to get set up at all as he folded the cloth and set it aside on the couch before spreading his things on the tabletop. Soon enough he had clambered onto the wooden surface as if it were the most normal thing in the world to do, starting to busy himself with the items in front of him. In the farthest corner of his vision, he could see Sanji moving about the kitchen as he cooked, the sizzling of vegetables in the frying pans or the bubbling of the sauces in their pots all a familiar tune he recalled from the days when he had heard it nearly every day.

He ended up becoming more absorbed into his work then he expected, so that when Sanji finally joined him on the table he jumped a little when their knees brushed together. He ignored the chortle, breathing out slowly to calm his racing heart as he idly unscrewed the back of a broken pocket watch without any real intention to use the parts inside, speaking up then, "Remember when you would cook with mushrooms and I used to try to distract you long enough to steal them?" There was a silent nod. "Remember when we argued over it?"

There was a crack of a lighter. "Hard to forget." Sanji said after he had lit his smoke. "It was the first big fight we had. I told you that you were being stupid and insulting me as a cook and friend if you thought I was going to poison you."

"Yeah and then I told you that wasn't the point." Usopp continued, flicking the gears onto the table. "That it wasn't fair you would favor Nami and Vivi and give in to their special requests when you wouldn't do the same for your own boyfriend and that it made me think you didn't care about me at all. And what did you say?" This time, the elder only took another quiet drag, so the sniper said for him, "You said I should have told you how I was feeling and if we didn't communicate, our relationship wasn't going to work."

The cook turned away and, when it was pushed towards him, flicked some of the ashes in the now empty metal bowl that had once held the pocket watch's clock face. When he spoke, his voice was nothing more than a sour mutter."I get what you're saying…"

"Do you?" Usopp said, dropping all pretenses now as he set the tools down and shifted so he was facing Sanji. "I was lucky I even figured it out at all. And it's such a small thing, but small things can turn into big things before we know it – especially since all this change happened right after…" They both winced. "Right after I had left and come back. What if you concluded I was just an inattentive, insensitive asshole?"

Sanji frowned behind his hand. "Back up a second. Don't you think you're going a little too far?"

"I don't care if I am! Sanji I-" He said a little irrationally, having to take a second to breathe when he realized his voice was coming out sharper then he intended. "These past two years without you and everyone… that was already hard enough. I don't want to lose you again."

The cigarette had an early end as it was stubbed out in the makeshift ashtray, the cook reaching out and clasping his hand around his wrist, the hold secure and reassuring. "You won't. At least, not that way. Can't make any promises for the rest of the world that's trying to kill us though."

It pulled a weak smile out of the sniper, laying his hand over Sanji's. "Then don't make me guess alright? If you want something like this from me, just ask. I won't say no."

The blonde huffed looking away, "But it's… it's embarrassing…"

"No. It's not." Usopp said firmly. "You know what's embarrassing? Those pink, purple-polka-dotted short shorts Franky wants me to wear." He started to rub soothing circles into the back of the other's hand. "Come on Sanji." The elder averted his gaze, grumbling something under his breath. He just had to make it difficult, didn't he? "What was that?"

"Will you… hold me?" The cook got out, a blush spreading all the way to his ears.

But the sniper didn't tease him, just reached out, pulling the stubborn man close and wrapping his arms around the other.

* * *

Everyone knew Usopp loved to talk.

Most, if not all, of them understood it was his way of dealing with stressful situations. His lies, his tall tales, his nervous chatter – hearing himself speak, his voice droning on, made him feel more in control even when faced with an impossible problem.

However, what his crewmates maybe didn't quite know or fully grasp was that talking was also comfort to him. So after a trying battle or a dangerous storm, the first thing he did was keep his ears open and once he heard the sound of eight separate voices speaking out, he could relax. Because they were safe. They were alive. It was all he needed.

But Sanji was different.

He never thought he could miss something so obvious, although it wasn't as if the blonde had ever addressed his anxieties or expressively asked for any help relieving them.

Merry's small structure had forced them to have closer quarters and though they would get on each other's nerves from time to time, it wasn't really an unpleasant arrangement. In fact, Usopp could even argue it had probably helped both begin and strengthen their relationship. It _also_ made it easier for those times when his lover was feeling a rare but understandable bit of insecurity after a bloody fight or a terrible typhoon that nearly took their lives to just cross over to his little platform by the sheep-headed helm, shove aside his work and demand some attention.

It was simple and unspoken and it made him wonder if there would be other shifts in their relationship that he hadn't yet discovered. Just for a second, it made him wish for the times long ago gone.

But he knew he was being foolish wanting that because the simple truth was even on Merry the connection he had with Sanji would have changed. If it didn't, their relationship would never grow. And he very much wanted that to happen; even if he wasn't sure what that could mean beyond a band of gold around his finger. So with that reassurance, he settled away the triggered feelings of loss.

Merry's spirit was still carrying their past.

Sunny's would hold their future.

* * *

"This is stupid." Despite the complaint, hands callused by years of working with knives didn't give even the slightest indication of letting up on their hold.

Not addressing it at all, Usopp – now lying on the table with the other draped over him – said instead, "Let me tell you a story. It's about a boy who, on the day he was born, was cursed by an evil witch. The curse foretold a horrible fate: starting after the day of his sixteenth year, if the boy did not receive a hug from his one true love at least once a day, he would die." He felt Sanji smile against his shoulder.

"Now, this boy, he was quite a good cook you see and one day he…"

His voice continued to carry up into the air, the words seeping into the wood of the great lion ship where they would stay, memorized for the couple if they ever needed to be retold.

* * *

**A/N:** The prompt this time was **Hug** or for Sanji to seek out Usopp's attention by interrupting his work. I combined the two, heh.

I have nothing else to say except I hope someone out there enjoyed this disaster of a story, haha.


End file.
